I am in love with Empire of the Sun!

So full of Love and wonder.

i keep having moments of complete confidence.
as if i know im where im supposed to be.
as if i am content in my path and my ways.
like everything is going to work out.

but it all comes crashing down with an utter collapse of confidence..
i feel scared and like a failure
like ill never make it in the real world and that im going to be wiping ass for the rest of my unproductive life.

why cant i just let myself win!!! why do break myself down until there's nothing left but a sad depressed loser with nothing but her thoughts to plague her mind and soul.

i love Josh and i couldnt be more proud to know and be with such an amazing wonderful man.
i look at him and wonder why .. why out of all the awesome rad chicks out there does he stay with me?

but then like the amazing person he is, he picks me up from the depths of my inner most thoughts and tells me
why he loves me. with legitimate reasons and true love in his eyes.
i cant help but feel confident again. like everything is going to work out...
that's how i know Ive got someone special. that someone special that i hope and wish that everyone finds.

if everyone had what i had then the world would be so much more beautiful.

i love Josh. everyday, every minute, every second of my existence.

happy happy happy happy thoughts.

progress
change
determintation
health
happiness
fun


these are going to all be accomplished this summer

i can taste it
i can feel it

 but most of all

i want it!

its time

for me to get out more.
i realized something, though i love, and will always love gorgeous and amazing Colorado, i CANNOT wait to move away with Josh.
yes itll be scary
yes, itll be lonely... at first
yes i will OFFICALLY be on my own.

i cannot wait until i live farther than 4 houses away from my mom.
when i dont have to hide or feel guilty about being me.
yes i am ready and waiting for that glorious day..
  MOVING DAY!

....

its a strange feeling.

the feeling that you are disconnected from everyone else in this world. everyone is striving to be this or be that, and to make money and have a house and a family. I'm not this domesticated or... whats the word,.. brainwashed.

i want people to get along.
i want to be a free spirit and paint on a sunny afternoon
i don't necessarily want offspring
i don't fully believe you need a degree to be educated.
i think everyone should have one giant party once a month
i believe im very smart for being a video game playing stoner.
i want to wake up on the beach
i want to go hiking and camping and possibly becoming a mountain man...
i want
to be able to be myself without judgement.
i dont want to care if people judge me
i want to make a difference because i care.. not because of how it makes me look.


and when i tell people (the brainwashed people) they look at me like im scum.
they say such things like "wow, so you want to be a homeless bum?"



they think that because i have a love and respect for the world and humanity that im not going to be successful unless i have money and that nice new fancy... whatever...


Im going to help people.
im going to do go my body and the earth
im going to be the free spirited, crazy, loving hippie that is deep with in my loins.. haha

for reals tho.
im going to be good to the universe and i hope en turn it is good to me <3


 

  BTW.... i took theses pics :)

Today i woke up early

I fed my animals
and i made a cup of amazing coffee with my new french press.
toasted a bagel
and won a quick couple games of liars dice.

i went to the grocery store and spent only 80 dollars. SCORE!
(with a boyfriend who eats like mine 80 bucks is a real cheapskate DEEEEElight!)

i have only 2 more weeks and then i can feel summers warm embrace on my face... hey.. that rhymed

as of right now today has been working out pretty well. :) 


heres some random randomness from the GREAT LIZARDKING!

Some of my art